Empathy

Last week I did this thing – this big thing, which I was anxious about, and had to psych myself up for – and it was hard. I hated it. When it was over, I felt a sense of accomplishment and relief. A few people congratulated me, or said they were proud or impressed. A friend asked me to write about it.

I didn’t do anything important or impressive.

I went without food or water for 15 hours. I participated in a one-day fast with other non-Muslim folks in order to experience what our Muslim friends do every day during the month of Ramadan. That part was cool. Joining others in a new experience, learning about Ramadan, taking another step towards human understanding (regardless of religion or culture) – those things are important, and it was a valuable experience for me.

But my one-day, voluntary fast? I can’t be proud of such a meager feat. I chose to go through my day without food or water, but I was surrounded by it. I could have poured myself a glass of filtered water in my air-conditioned office building at any time. My huge accomplishment boils down to skipping a few meals and resisting snacks from the staff table, for one day. During Ramadan, Muslims do this for 30 days. In a row. In some countries women do it wearing burkas in 100+ degree heat.

I’m not saying it was easy for me. The hardest part going without water; I have never been so thirsty. Physically, the biggest lesson I learned that day was I need water. I don’t need snacks, or the second breakfast I typically eat at my desk, or even (though I hate to say it) coffee, but I need water. By the afternoon I found it very difficult to concentrate. If I couldn’t drink or eat, then all I wanted to do was sleep. It was a hierarchy-of-needs experience. My husband called to see how I was doing and at the end of our conversation, he said, “I’m guessing Ramadan is not a real productive time.” (If my one-day experience is any indication, no, it’s not. However, I’ve heard that once your body adapts to fasting things go more smoothly.)

Intellectually and emotionally, the biggest lesson I learned that day was what real hunger and thirst feel like. When I say, “I have never been so thirsty” it’s not a figure of speech; it’s literal truth. Before last week, I had never, not once in 38 years, gone 15 waking hours without a beverage. Before last week I had never gone 15 waking hours without eating. On and off throughout the day I thought, “There are people who live like this every day.” At 2:00 PM when my brain was foggy, I thought about kids in school too hungry to learn and I almost cried. Now I have an inkling, just an inkling, of what that must be like. This is why schools in poor areas have free breakfast programs – or did, the last time I paid attention. Maybe they’ve been cut from the budget.

I’ve never been against school breakfast or free lunch programs, but I’ve never been actively for them, either. Suddenly now I want to make sure my taxes go to these programs. Please, take a little bit of my money and use it to feed children so that they can pay attention to math and reading.

For 15 hours last week my empathy muscles got a workout while my stomach took a break. At the end of the day, a good friend who had also fasted and I broke our fast in an Italian restaurant. We talked and laughed, drank and ate together until past closing time. She kindly drove me to my car so I wouldn’t have to walk five blocks alone in the dark.

On Twitter I’ll sometimes see the hashtag “#firstworldproblems.” It’s a joke; a self-deprecating nod to how good one has it tacked on to the end of a tweet complaining about the barista messing up one’s coffee order. That’s what having to walk five blocks alone in the dark after a restaurant meal with a friend is: a first-world problem. That’s what a self-imposed 15-hour fast is, too.


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9 responses to “Empathy”

  1. Bri Avatar
    Bri

    I followed your tweets and the fasting feed that day. What a great way to develop empathy. Thank you for writing about it. How did you and your fellow fasters come up with the idea?

  2. Holly Avatar
    Holly

    Jennifer Jones (@jenztweets) mentioned to Amanda Quraishi (@ImTheQ) that after reading her tweets during Ramadan, she had been considering trying fasting. I admitted that I’d thought about trying it too, we picked a date, and Amanda (as she does) ran with it.

  3. […] [Read her account on her blog – click here] […]

  4. Sarah Avatar

    I was following the #tryfasting hashtag on Twitter on the day you guys decided to give this a go, and I think it really is quite a feat, considering that it was completely voluntary on your part. Your experience sounds a lot like the first day of Ramadan for most of us. That day is no fun. My first day of fasting this year greeted me with a huge headache and a pathological bout of lethargy. It didn’t feel very spiritual, to be honest. But in almost all cases, with each subsequent day of fasting, it’s all downhill from there. I like to think that the physical discomfort increases as the spiritual contentment increases.

    Thanks for taking the time to write about this as I was looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Cheers!

  5. Holly Avatar
    Holly

    Thanks for reading it, Sarah! The best part of #TryFasting has got to be all the wonderful new people I’ve met (and keep meeting) online. 🙂

  6. Alanna Coca Avatar

    9 years ago, I was on a liquid diet for 24 hours. I still remember every horrible hour of those 24. I cannot imagine going 15 hours without something to drink. It’s making me thirsty just thinking about it.

    So tell me, what was the first thing you drank/ate when the time was up?

  7. Holly Avatar
    Holly

    A glass of water! Then my friend and I split a gourmet pizza. I can’t remember what it was called, but it had cashews on it. It was wonderful. 🙂 I had three glasses of water with dinner.

  8. Sharon Avatar
    Sharon

    I am grateful that you wrote about this experience. All throughout the day, you obviously gained several new insights and perspectives. I love the title of Empathy, too, it tells it all. Great job!

  9. Emmett Avatar
    Emmett

    “but I’ve never been actively for them, either.”
    I’ve gotten on the bandwagon myself from a strange source.

    The television show I frequently watch “Chopped” had an episode featuring school lunch ladies.

    Of the many surprises I got watching the program two stood out:
    – the lunch ladies were almost bowled over at being recognized as ‘chefs’, to the point of tears
    – more than one lunch lady emphasizes not only serving breakfast, but loads the kids up with pasta for lunch; because many will not eat again until breakfast

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