Originally posted on Facebook, November 6, 2023 – in keeping with the theme, I couldn’t post it here because I had misplaced my password to this site.
Whenever a series of irritating things go wrong, I think of the opening line of the kids’ book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. (“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair . . .”)
I thought of it this morning and by the end of the day, I had Taken It Too Far. So, with apologies (and gratitude) to the author, I present to you . . .
Holly and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parody (age 50 edition)
I went to sleep without my night guard and now my jaw is sore and when I got out of bed this morning I knocked my eyeglasses off the nightstand and I tripped on the heating pad cord and I started to worry that it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast one of my kids knocked the computer monitor over into their bowl of breakfast cereal and milk got inside the keyboard and all over the desk and chair and after 20 minutes of trying to clean the keyboard with Q-tips and rubbing alcohol, my coffee was cold.
I think I’ll move to Tijuana.
Last week my car got broken into in the parking lot at work. There is a garbage bag over the hole where the window belongs and tiny shards of glass in the upholstery. I said, it is cold and the bag flapping makes a loud noise and I think there is glass poking my butt, but since I drive alone, no one answered.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At work the first fifteen minutes of every meeting was lost to technical difficulties. You might not think the switch from Zoom to Teams would be that big of a deal, but it is. Who needs Teams? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because the glass place called and said they’d have to ship the replacement window from Oregon and they’d call when it came in and I would need to bring my car to them because they don’t have a mobile technician right now.
I wanted to say, your ad says you will come to my home or office and how much longer do I have to drive around with a garbage bag flapping in the wind? But I didn’t, because I know the world is short-staffed.
I forgot to pack a lunch and my meeting ran long and by the time I got to the cafeteria, it was closed. Time for another bookstore lunch, I thought, but the bookstore was closed too. Guess who had vending machine lunch? It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
That’s what it was, because after lunch I found a COVID exposure notice in my email and it said I had to wear a mask at work from now until next week.
“Next week,” I said to the computer screen, “I’m going to Tijuana.”
After work my car wouldn’t start and jumper cables didn’t help and it was dark and raining and I had to call my husband and ask him to drive 40 minutes to pick me up and while I was waiting for my ride the security guard came and asked if he should call for a tow
and that reminded me to take the paperwork and personal items out of my stupid broken open window car.
I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told the security guard. He didn’t answer.
So then my husband arrived with our 16-year-old behind the wheel because she needs the practice. I asked to stop by the post office on our way home to drop off a package and she said okay and then I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes because our kid may need to learn to drive, but if another adult is in the car, I don’t have to watch.
When we got to the post office it was closed and both of the self-service machines in the lobby were broken. My husband asked what about the post office in Sumner and I said they are closed too and all their self-service machines are inside the building, not in the lobby, which makes no sense. Anyway, let’s go home.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
There was fried spaghetti for dinner and I hate fried spaghetti.
There was football on TV and I hate football.
The shower drain clogged, I couldn’t find a razor, and I’m pretty sure that black spot in the corner was a spider. I hate trying to keep my eye on a possible-spider while washing my hair.
When I went to bed my husband was already snoring on the couch and my sleep mask was stuck between the bed frame and the wall and a kid had swiped my favorite pillow.
I don’t know if I have clean work clothes for the morning and I’m too tired to find out.
It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
My 13-year-old says a guy on YouTube told him some days are like that.
Even in Tijuana.
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